Food shopping and quantities

Mom, I'm at the grocery store with your grocery list. Groceries for the whole week, no pressure. Okay, go. First, a loaf of bread. Whole wheat, not white. Got it.

A carton of milk. Two percent? Mom, you never said that before. Half a dozen eggs. Cage-free. Fine. A bag of rice. Wait, why is the list so short? Oh, there's a second page on the back!

Mom, the second page says "chocolate, chocolate, more chocolate." Is that for you or for Dad? Ha, I knew it. Okay, I'll get the big one. No, I'm not telling Dad. I'm heading to the register now. Love you, bye!

Omar, put the frozen dinner back. It's your fourth this week! We're buying real food today. Look, frozen peas are cheap, and they're good for you.

Fine, you want canned tomatoes. But we need one can, not ten. Omar, put them down. Omar! Why are you building a tower? The store employee is watching us, dude.

Back at the apartment, we cook pasta with canned tomatoes and frozen peas. It's really good. Omar eats three plates and says, "See? Real food." Then he puts another frozen dinner in the oven, for tomorrow. I give up.

Excuse me, young man. Is this bread stale? The expiration date says tomorrow, but it feels hard as a rock.

And this one is the store brand, right? It's fifty cents cheaper than the other one. Is it the same bread? Same factory, you say? Ha, I knew it. I'll take two of the cheap ones.

One more thing. Where do you keep the candy? I need a bar of the dark chocolate. It's for my wife. She says no chocolate this month, so please, don't say a word at the register. She's waiting in the car, and she's watching us.

Sis, you won't believe it. Ice cream is buy one get one free! Big tubs, the good ones. I'm going to stock up on it. Seriously, I'm the queen of the freezer aisle.

I show my rewards card at the register, and the lady says, "You have two hundred points, hon. That's five dollars off." Five dollars! So now it's cheap, cheap, cheap.

Problem. I'm at home, and the freezer is full. There's no room. There are twelve tubs on the kitchen counter, and they're melting. Can I bring some over to your place? Bring a cooler, and a spoon.

Hi honey, it's me. We're out of milk, so I'm going to run to the store. Do you need anything? No? Okay. Back in ten minutes, I promise.

Right, I'm at the checkout. Bad news: I forgot my bag. So I'm buying a reusable bag. Again. Don't say anything. I know we have eleven at home in the closet.

Good news: I got bread, chocolate, batteries and a little plant. Slightly bad news: I forgot the milk. Don't laugh. I'm going back in. Do we need a plant? Well, we have one now. It's called Kevin.

Okay, Jo, I'm at the grocery store with the cart, and I need your help. How many people are coming to your party? Twelve? Okay.

Chips are on special offer: three bags for five dollars. I'm taking six. We need plenty of chips, because Dan is coming, and Dan eats like a horse. Soda? I'll pick out four big bottles. Now I'm going to the deli counter. Hello! Half a pound of cheddar, please, and some thin ham. Thank you.

Hang on, Jo, the line is huge. And I've got a problem. I left my wallet at home! Wait, I've got my phone. Tap to pay works. I'm saved. Forty-two dollars, thanks. You owe me a five and a piece of cake, dude.